I'm Back... After A Year of Great Growth

I can't believe it has been a year since I've posted.  Thinking back on the year, I can definitely understand why.  It is amazing to me that I'm in the second year of being a self-contractor.  In this time I've learned so much about following your heart! The peace that comes with doing what you are driven to do cannot be underestimated!  Am I saying that life has come completely smoothly? NO! What it means is that you have the strength and passion to work through the bumps!  What are you passionate about? Think about it! What gets you excited?! Now how can that passion be translated to your career?

Coming Out of It a Stronger Person

Below is a blog that I started in late November after getting my heart broken. I had to finish working on healing myself before I could publish it for others to see. I hope that it may help you to use your hurt as a learning opportunity.

 
You know what?  Sometimes life can suck!!  Now I try not to talk like that or let my mind go there, but sometimes it's just the truth and needs to be acknowledged to pass it.  It is true, though.  Overall, I have a wonderful life!  I am blessed with family and friends who truly care about me and add value to my life.  I am also able to make a living doing what I love helping to mold the next generation.  

I'm a young, single lady, also. While I'm blessed to have a professional life that exceeds most people my age, it doesn't take away that desire many of us have to have a special person to share in the good and bad.  Another relevant truth in my life is that I have a very evident physical disability that doesn't allow for typical, cute, simple flirting or dating to be a casual occurrence in my world. In fact, simple is a rare descriptor in any aspect of my life.  This being said, when I am dating someone I can't help but take it seriously.  To get to dating means that we’ve surpassed a bunch of hurdles in addition to the hurdles that are typical when two humans interact.  So when my heart was broken in November out of nowhere, I have to admit it broke me a bit.  It was active period for me professionally, so I, of course, avoided what I was feeling and thinking for awhile.  I couldn’t keep the typical girl thoughts from swarming my mind, though. Thinking what did I do, what was wrong with me, will I ever find Mr. Right & how can I open myself to someone again.  I wrestled with those internally for a bit until I finally said, “That’s enough! This not who I am.”  I evaluated the good that came from that relationship.  He helped me accept my right to speak my personal wants when I often felt it was rude to not put everyone else before mine.  I will always be thankful for the good things I learned in this relationship.  I, also, saw the parts I had hid from myself, seeing why we didn't need to be together.  I know there will be others, but it is my responsibility to come out of each experience a better person.

Life has its good and bad.  How you choose to come out of those experiences determines the quality of your life.  You must first acknowledge what you’re feeling.  It is human and healthy to feel a spectrum of feelings.  Just remember to not allow it to turn you into someone you don’t want to be.   As always, I encourage the use of music in dealing with feelings.  Songs celebrating strength and personal, individual awesomeness are great for getting out of the funk!  Below check out a song that really resonated with me in my final stages of re-claiming my awesomeness. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jokARaxZIi4

My favorite set of lines is “Now every morning; There is no more mourning oh I; Can finally see myself again; I know I am enough; Possible to be loved; It was not about me; Now I have to rise above; Let the universe call the bluff; Yeah the truth will set you free."

I want to end saying that I am truly thankful for the life that I have.  I'm thankful for those closest to me that were a sounding board when I needed one.  I know that I'm surrounded by great friends and family that truly love me.  I am sharing this experience in hopes of providing encouragement for those going through similar things.

Being Thankful in ALL Circumstances...

Wow!  The past couple of months have been a whirlwind!  Friends have asked me how I'm enjoying it, and I feel like I ramble for an hour trying to put in words how awesome it feels!  Following your heart can be so freeing!  While it has kept me extremely busy, being busy doing what you're passionate for is amazingly invigorating.
Now, am I saying that everything has gone completely right, since I've started this new journey?  Hah!  No.  In the past couple of weeks, I've had some truly amazing experiences, met some great new friends and have had more opportunities open for me that continue to excite me for what is to come.  In that same time period, I've had my heart broken by an unexpected breakup, have had my fair share of technical issues and other things.  I'm not focused on those, though.  I am blessed for the life that I have and in no way do I want to degrade these opportunities and blessings by toiling in the negatives of life.  I'm not discounting them as experiences of my life.  Instead, I honored my feelings in those experiences and took away any lesson that I may need for future experiences because there will be future relationships, future technical mishaps and such. 
So, I've said all of this to ask "Are you listening to yourself?  Following your heart?"  You may think that me asking this means I expect you to drop everything and do what your heart is telling you to do.  I'm not saying that... completely.  We all have responsibilities to tend.  Do what you can at the moment to follow your passion and make a gameplan to further this in your life.  You'll notice the difference once you start allowing your heart to lead you.  I know I have.  It is a conscience decision that you have to make.  In that decision, you can also make the choice to focus on the positive aspects of your life.  This decision can do so much to your quality of life.
So, as we celebrate Thanksgiving, I'm flooded with so many reasons I'm thankful.  I hope each of you have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Growth Spurts in Life... Part 3 - Following Your Heart

I know it's been awhile since I last posted.  It's amazing how time can pass by. As I've been opening myself to personal growth spurts to equip me for the opportunities to come, I've been amazed at what has been transpiring in my life. This most recent growth spurt, the biggest that I've had so far, came to action about two months. 

Let me start by saying that I fully admit that I have been a control-freak for most of my life. Having conversations with other people with disabilities about this characteristic, I've come to learn that it is a common thread of people with disabilities. Having a disability, especially from childhood, teaches you that you need to make sure things are where you can access them, that you're not left in an extra vulnerable state and that you are prepared for a multitude of different scenarios as life does not always go as planned. Since coming to this realization of the root of my control needs, I've been comforted to have this understanding, but I've also started filtering my control needs and over-thinking. While it's rooted in my "survival-ish" needs, it has a tendency to take over other aspects of my life, where control is not only unnecessary but sometimes hindering. 

I've said all of that to say that when you open yourself to grow, you will be amazed at what comes!  I've been blessed to have steady employment,since graduating high school, in a field where I get to help youth with disabilities reach their potential. I've had a a desire, a calling of sorts, that I'm to continue my service to others in a different way, through outreach, training, motivational and other avenues that are broader, a way that could reach more families and be more impacting. I've felt this for some time and have tried satisfying it through adding a part-time contract of that work. I kept telling myself that it is too risky to walk away from a steady job, that I have to responsible.  While I enjoyed my youth, it became more and more apparent of what I needed to be doing.  Finally, two months ago, I made the decision that it was time to give it my all and leave my comfort zone of the steady job.  Once I made that decision, I was filled with a peace that was and still is amazing!!  I didn't know how I was going to meet my needs, but that peace told me it would all be alright!!  And it has been alright!  I have been blessed to be given opportunities immediately following my decision.  Needs are being met.  I'm working hard and long hours, but I'm truly loving what I'm doing. With presentations at 2 national conferences in my near future and other opportunities ahead, I'm so happy that I followed my heart!  There will still be rough days and times, but I'm comforted in knowing I'm following my heart and growing as a human. 

What about you?  Are you stifling that voice that wants you to do something out of your comfort zone?  Why?  Stop stifling and listen to it. Once you make the decision to follow it, you will wonder why you fought it for so long!  You'll be amazed at the person you grow to be. I know I am.

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Growth Spurts... Part 2: Letting People In & Letting Them Stay

Well, when I said that would be doing other parts to my "Growth Spurts" series, this next topic was not what I envisioned.  Life has a way of doing that, though.  As I'm developing this blog, I want to make it a work of honesty.  I hope that it can help any of you in similar instances, or at least, you can connect and know that others have similar experiences.
So, tonight's topic is very hard for me to write, but I believe it will help me get through this difficult time.  I'm an artist at heart, so writing while listening to music only makes sense to me, especially in dealing with matters of the heart.
As a progressive, young lady growing up with a substantially physical disability, independence has been drilled in me since I can remember.  I'm not saying this is the wrong thing to do.  I'm thankful, as it is why I've had the opportunities I've had.  There is a downfall to it, though.  It makes it hard to let people in.  Like I've said before, I'm blessed with a great family and an abundance of friends.  Unfortunately, there is only a handful of them that I can comfortably let all the way in.  I'm aware of the fact that I'm perceived vulnerable to most of the world, and I subconsciously fight that perception.  As some friends know, my automatic response is "I got it."  Some have tried getting through to me, saying, "You don't always have to have it."  I feel like I do, though.  If I take care of things, I know I'm safe.  If things are taken care of, I can help others.
It isn't good to always handle things solo.  As I've entered this year with plans for expanding myself, this was one that caught me off-guard.  I met somebody at a conference who was unlike many that have been close to me.  Before I knew it, he had gotten past the walls I have.  He questioned my way of thinking, doing things and made me feel unlike I ever had.  The months passed with a continued growth of me, and a feeling of self-assurance and openness that I never knew had overcome me.  I had a comfort in knowing I had that support that truly accepted me.  Unfortunately, old habits die hard.  Through miscommunication and my overthinking kicking into overdrive, I pushed this person away.  There was no wrongdoing on his end.  I can be my own worst enemy.  I know all of my weak spots, and how I can take myself down.  I'm so mad at myself for allowing the old habits to sneak back into control.  I refuse to allow it to end my progress, though.  I'm hopeful that with time and my sincerest apologies, that friend will be back in my life.  Either way, I'm truly grateful for the possibilities that he has shown of who I can be.  I pledge to continue that growth and letting people in that can make me a better being.  Its a horribly. painful life lesson, but I, at least, will not let it be in vain.

Growth Spurts in Life... Part 1 - Friends

Growth spurts can be pretty interesting.  Watching my niece and nephew at least weekly, has amazed me at the changes that occur in the time between seeing them.  During these spurts, they may be tired and extra hungry.  I've been thinking about how we, as adults, still have growth spurts.  While they aren't physical, they are vital to our health.
I've been experiencing this intensely this year.  I think we all experience it to some degree throughout our lives, but one must acknowledge their experience to benefit fully and be open for what is to come.  At the beginning of this year, I embraced this and am focused on how these growth spurts will positively stretch me.  Stretching is definitely what it has done.
When you open yourself to growth spurts, be prepared for the positives and the pains, just like in physical growth.  How you respond to these effects determines the quality of your growth and the opportunities that may come.  I have been keeping this in mind because believe me, these spurts definitely have growing pains.
One of the most challenging aspects of my growth spurts has been valuing my time and energy with friends.  This includes making sure that I have time for my friends and am a good friend to each of them.  Sometimes life's hectic-ness and work can become priority when in the end, the people in your life are what matter.  This growth also has another side.  I have been learning to value myself and draw lines with those who don't have that same value for me.  I have to say that has been the hardest part!  You know Southern politeness requires you to smile and just go with the flow.  That isn't alright if you're continually feeling pain and less of yourself because of that friendship.  Of course, that friendship has highlights and every relationship has ups and down.  You have to listen to yourself and be honest with that person and most importantly, yourself.  I've been doing this, and it has been anything but easy.  I've had to cut what I believed to be a friend, learning she was not the person I thought was my friend.  While I battled myself in that, I can see what I learned from that friendship and feel free with that weight off of me.  I have no ill will and wish her the best.  There have been other friends that I've had discussions with about their actions and what they mean to our friendships.  This honesty has improved those friendships to degrees that I never imagined possible.
Valuing one's self can be a challenge to people with or without disabilities, women or men and of any ethnicity.  As a woman and a person with a disability, history has taught me to be meek and and appreciate any friend you can get, no matter their actions.  History must be changed for the next generations.  That relies on us, now!  I have been blessed with more friends and more love than I can describe.  I have friends that I've been friends with for 20 years and those I met this year.  Everyone does not have that, I know, and I'm not taking it for granted.  I have to know that my friendship has a value to my friends, though.  I must acknowledge and draw the lines for myself and those looking to me for guidance. History will not be changed, if we don't start now!
This just one aspect of my life that has been improved in my recent growth spurts.  I plan to cover the others in my next few posts, so stay tuned!  Don't forget to click the follow button on the left or subscribe by email!

The definition of "Family"

In my work, I work with families of all types... I've done this since I was 18, coming close to 10 years and counting!  I am still amazed by some of what I encounter.  There are families who are the best support system and co-advocates for their family members with disabilities. There are also those that break my heart and leave me questioning the definition of "family."  I have had a case for the past few months that has continuously broken my heart and kept me awake in the night.  Family members who do not want the best for their family members, who would sacrifice their family's safety, well-being and overall quality of life is just appalling and mind-baffling to me!!
Now, I didn't get dropped into the "picture perfect" family!  I say that including myself as part of that not-so "picture perfect-ness".  One thing I've had from Day 1, is that I can always count on is their never-ending support and love.  We can have our battles (I'm part Cajun, so they can be intense!), but when its time, we are there for each other!  In my family, disability simply means I may do things differently, need some assistance every so often but it is nothing more.  I have the same life value as anyone, the same types of future outlook and same responsibilities as any other young adult.  In my family, this was natural.  It didn't seem like there was any other way a family would function.
Unfortunately, all families do not function as my family does.  Like the case I mentioned above, I was called in on emergency situation.  In these instances, it is hard to know how to prepare.  I definitely wasn't prepared emotionally, but there truly isn't a way to do so.  Without giving personal details, this case has involved a young adult who was finishing high school, there was knowledge of emotional abuse and possible physical abuse.  This young adult had won the hearts of some key administration, who feared the future after school.  This led to myself and an ally agency being contacted.  After meeting the young adult, seeing the administration who believed in this young adult, I had no other option but to do what I could to ensure that this young adult didn't suffer because the family didn't know their duty and what they were discarding.  In a month, this young adult has been removed from that negativity, given the right to have a life of quality.  This young adult is also learning the definition of family.  This young adult has me as a big sister, a couple of aunts, a mom and a big brother, all of no relation, who are here to support this young adult in their quest towards independence.  Unfortunately, there is a long road of learning skills and behaviors that were never taught because the family dismissed this person's personhood and future, but we are determined to be that family that never existed.
I say all of that to say that I've had numerous days recently where I've stopped and just relished in the family that I have.  I am blessed with a great biological family, who have sacrificed so much so that I could have the best quality of life.  I also have a great extended family of big brothers and sisters who mean so much to me.  I am unable to express how thankful I am for all of my family.  My work continually reminds me to be grateful for what I have and to be sure to express it to them.  So, think about what family means to you.  Make sure those who mean the most to you know it and know that you are there to support them, when needed.  That's what family is.